There are moments in life where something happens externally, but internally it feels much bigger than it really is as you go into overthinking. That happened to me recently when I suddenly couldn’t post or market my business on Facebook. I couldn’t post anything across different groups and within seconds my inner critic had plenty to say about it.

“Facebook can’t be relied on.”
“This is not what I need today.”
“What am I going to do now?”
“How am I supposed to market your business if you can’t post?”

The frustration and panic kicked in almost instantly. A few years ago, I probably would have stayed stuck in that emotional state for hours, overthinking the situation and convincing myself it was far worse than it actually was. 

But what I’ve learned over the years is that the spiral itself is often the real problem, not the situation.

Why overthinking feels so real

As Assistants, we are naturally wired to anticipate problems, stay organised and think ahead. We spend so much time making sure things run smoothly for everyone else that uncertainty can feel deeply uncomfortable. When something unexpected happens, the brain immediately starts searching for danger, pressure or potential failure.

The problem is that many of us mistake the inner critic for the truth.

That critical voice can sound convincing because it often comes from old protective patterns. It wants to keep you safe from rejection, mistakes, embarrassment or failure. But just because a thought appears in your mind does not mean it is accurate.

So many Assistants live with this pattern daily.

“You’re not ready yet.”
“You shouldn’t speak up.”
“What if you get it wrong?”
“You’re overthinking again.”

Over time, these thoughts can become so familiar that they start to feel real. You begin second guessing your judgement, holding yourself back and waiting for reassurance instead of trusting your own experience and capability.

The truth is, your inner critic is not your identity. It is simply a learned pattern of thinking that can be questioned and challenged.

The question that changed my emotional state

What helped me stop spiralling during the Facebook situation was not fixing the problem immediately. It was interrupting the emotional reaction before it gathered momentum.

I first noticed what was happening emotionally and physically. Then I changed my state through movement and asked myself one simple question.

“What is actually in my control right now?”

That question shifted everything because it moved my focus away from panic and back towards reality. Instead of looking for more reasons to worry, I started looking for practical solutions. Within minutes, I realised it was likely a temporary glitch that would resolve itself within a day or two and it did!

The external situation had not changed yet, but my emotional state had completely shifted.

This is something I consciously practise all the time. I regularly challenge my first fearful thought instead of automatically believing it. I look for perspective before assuming the worst-case scenario is true.

That does not mean pretending life is always positive or easy. It simply means recognising that fear often shows up first, especially during uncertainty.

One of the most powerful things you can do when overthinking starts is pause and ask yourself better questions.

What do I actually know for certain right now?
What is within my control?
Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
What would I say to someone else in this situation?

These questions create space between you and the thought. And that space is where calmer decision-making and self-trust begin.

How to start trusting yourself more deeply

Many Assistants believe confidence comes from never feeling doubt, but real confidence is built differently. Confidence grows when you stop allowing fearful thoughts to control your decisions, reactions and self-perception.

You can still feel uncertainty and trust yourself at the same time. It’s OK to still feel nervous and speak up anyway. You can still have an inner critic without letting it dictate your choices.

The more you practise questioning fear-based thinking, the easier it becomes to recognise when your mind is creating stories rather than reflecting reality. Over time, you stop automatically spiralling and start responding to situations with more steadiness and perspective.

And honestly, this work matters because so many capable Assistants are already trusted by everyone around them while privately doubting themselves. They already have valuable ideas, strong judgement and real experience, but their inner critic talks louder than their own voice.

That pattern can change.

It often starts with slowing down long enough to challenge the thought instead of immediately believing it. 

So the next time you notice yourself spiralling, pause and ask yourself…

“What is actually in my control right now?”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you notice your inner critic showing up most during pressure, uncertainty or decision-making moments? And what helps you interrupt the spiral when it starts?

Come and continue the conversation with me on LinkedIn and Facebook.